I think anyone over 25 (and sadly even some people younger than that) can testify that life doesn't always go the way we planned. We grow up with a picture in our head of what life is supposed to be like. There's a dream world we believe will become real with little more than age. Soon, we are disillusioned. Even poor Forest Gump's mom got it partly wrong - life isn't even close to being like chocolate.
But this isn't a post to say life handed me lemons. The older I get, the more I begin to see how incredibly complex and faceted life is and how each little part fits into a whole. No part of it is random. Really. There are little things that I can see a purpose for now, when I remember thinking "WHY?" at the time.
I've read that no relationship was a waste if you learned something. And finally, a couple of years after my divorce, I can agree without bitterness. Some people teach you what love is not and even this can be a gift. I think a lot of women are stuck in relationships that are abusive or toxic, because they think that this is life and "he loves me". It's important to be able to rise above a situation and be able to say "this is not love". No person is perfect, to be sure. But some things are universally unacceptable I believe.
You get people that teach you what love is, or what it can be. This is of course the sweet part of life. Those little moments that make you pause and just bask... Because you didn't think they happened outside of the movies. Or at least not to someone like you.
There will also be people that teach you about yourself. When we subject ourselves to toxic relationships and situations, we tend to lose ourselves. Either in the wants or needs of the other person, or as a type of self-preservation technique - you hide away your innermost self to keep her safe. The problem becomes when you think that the creature of pain and regret is all that you are. You forget that there is a part of you that can still believe, and love, and laugh. It is a wondrous thing when you meet someone that helps you shake off the old times, helping you to molt them and emerge like a shiny new creation. And molt you must. Don't take that old skin and carry it inside you - that is death. Let out your true self again, to prosper.
If you are very lucky, you will come across a person who will help you to dream again. This I think is the hardest step of all. Because even though your old life is gone, the memories make it hard to be brave enough to dream a new dream. Like an abused animal, you look at an outstretched hand in suspicion. You've been fed a little before, but you've been beaten more often. It takes someone truly special to make you realise that it's all over and you are allowed to live again. I think that I am still in the middle of this process, but I am determined to overcome.
These people that have such a profound effect on you can be friends, or lovers. They are essential to your journey - little jewels along the way to who you are supposed to be. Luckier are we still if we get to take the precious ones with us, but we must learn to be grateful even if we can't. Each person will teach you something, and each lesson has value.
I won't say I'm grateful to the people that have hurt me. But I am grateful for the person I have become. She is so much better, wiser, stronger and more gracious that the girl I used to be. Welcome to my kitchen :)
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